I want to find a good host family

The host family makes or breaks the au pair experience. Of course, there are other factors, like the location or the possibility of finding people to make friends with.

But it’s really, really important. So don’t overlook this when making your plans for Paris! I’ve talked with some au pairs who only messaged one family and accepted right away, just so they could get here. That is a horrible idea. Don’t be like those au pairs.

Instead, ask yourself what you want the answers to all of these questions to be, and interview multiple families until you find the one that feels right.

What is the daily schedule like? Do I have to work weekends?

The typical au pair schedule involves working from about 7–9 in the morning, waking the kids up, getting them breakfast, and getting them ready for school before dropping them off. Then you are free until around 4:30 when all the kids get out of school. After that, you give them their goûter (afternoon snack), help them with homework, and generally entertain them until their parents get home around 6 or 7. Some nights will be spent babysitting when the parents want to go out on a date.

On Wednesdays, French children don’t have school, so many au pairs will work 10 hours that day without a break. This is not legally recommended, as you aren’t supposed to work more than 5 hours a day as an au pair, but everyone does it, and it’s accepted as normal.

Most au pairs get the weekend off since the parents are home. I wasn’t so lucky with that. I worked a few hours on Sundays with my first family and then 5 hours on Saturdays with my second one, meaning I usually only had one day off a week for myself. This is really tough, and I don’t recommend it.

I didn’t have it the worst, though – I have one au pair friend who worked every day of the week except Wednesdays. This was difficult for her because all the other au pairs worked all day Wednesday, and she never had any time to socialize with her friends. I’m pretty sure she quit a few weeks later.

What are the kids like, including their English level and homework help requirements?

Listen. Every single family is going to tell you their children are angels and well-behaved.

Every single one of them is lying. Half of these kids are monsters. That’s the reason the parents are hiring an au pair – to shove them off on someone else for a few hours every day. In order to hire an au pair, these families also have to be relatively well-off. With really rich families, though, this can come with its own set of issues that make the kids lash out.

So just assume the kids are going to be tough. In my first family, the kids didn’t know any English, and I didn’t know any French, so communicating with them was a no-go. They would misbehave, and I couldn’t correct their behavior or explain what they needed to do.

If you can, find a family with kids who have had nannies before and can communicate with you. If you already know French, great! All the better.

Some families expect you to help the kids with their homework. I looked at the homework of the 7-year-old I was watching and had no clue where to start because I didn’t speak the language. So make sure to clarify whether you will or will not be able to help them with this if the parents are expecting it.

Are you okay with Oliver? (my dog)

This was the first question I asked every family I talked to. It helped to rule them out fast, because anytime they said they weren’t comfortable with the dog, I knew immediately I wasn’t going to choose them. Obviously, the majority of families did not want a stranger’s dog living with them.

Honestly, I was shocked by the number of families that were okay with it. I don’t know if I would be if I were in their shoes. It takes a lot of blind trust to assume the American girl living on the other side of the world has raised her dog properly not to be a menace.

Well, trust or ignorance.

Some families had their own pets and had no problem adding one more, so they said yes. Other families had no pets, but their children had been begging for a dog, so me bringing mine was the perfect solution. It meant their kids could have a pet without the parents having to assume any of the cost or responsibility.

Obviously, I paid for all the costs related to my dog, including food, toys, vet bills, etc. This was all agreed upon beforehand with each of my families, and I would never have expected them to take that on. They were all already gracious enough to allow me to bring him, which is very unusual for an au pair.

Who pays for my transportation costs and SIM card?

In my first host family, they paid for me to have a Navigo card, and they paid for my SIM card. In my second family, I was reimbursed individually only for each trip I took with the host kid on the metro, and I was on my own for the phone. Legally, they only have to pay for your transportation when you are working, and they aren’t required to pay for your SIM. These are really important questions to ask so that you know if you need to calculate these into your budget. The Navigo can cost more than €80 a month, and the SIM card can cost around €10. When you are only making €320 a month, that’s a big chunk.

There’s a significant relationship between the type of employment and how much the host family covers. Some families want you to be like a big sister or brother to their kids and offer a lot more perks. Other families just want cheap childcare and to only see you when you are working. In this case, they tend to pay only the minimum.

I have worked for both, and each has its own pros and cons. But decide what you want first so you don’t accidentally end up disappointed in the relationship.

Will I be included in family vacations?

I never got to go on any overnight stays with my host families, but a lot of au pairs do. For example, when the kids have their school vacations, many families will spend those weeks at a country house or on an island. A lot of my friends have gone on these trips. It’s good to clarify beforehand whether you are invited and, if so, how much you are expected to work.

Au pairs are not travel nannies. Some families expect you to work 24/7 if you go on vacation with them because they are paying for your flight and lodging. It’s essential to know this going into it.

For the two-week school vacations, the most common arrangement I have seen is for au pairs to work 50 hours one week and then have the other week completely free. It’s kind of bending the rules, but again, everyone does it.

Will I need to drive a car?

If you are looking for families in the middle of Paris, the chances of you needing to drive a car are slim. But if you decide to live in the suburbs, it’s important to clarify the expectations. My host family was well aware that I didn’t know how to drive a manual transmission. I think they thought it would be easier than it was to teach me, as in, like a no big deal situation.

Except it did become a big deal after I scratched their car while reverse parking into the tiny garage, and they suddenly realized I was a foreigner driving their precious children around. My host mom even bought a ginormous car seat for one of the kids after a month of me driving because she was so worried I would crash.

It was incredibly stressful driving a car like that on teeny tiny French roads while trying to learn all the road laws. If you find a family that asks this and are up for the task, go for it. If you know how to drive a manual beforehand, even better. Otherwise, I can’t say I recommend the experience.

Who pays for my French classes?

It’s a shame that host families are not required to pay for French classes. The only requirement is that they allow you enough time in your schedule to attend, if you wish. The sad reality is that finding affordable French classes is very difficult for most au pairs. I was a complete idiot and signed up for the French course my host mom recommended to me because I wanted to please her. It cost €750 a month. My pocket money was €320 a month. Literally double my salary!

I took that class and couldn’t get over the fact that I was draining my savings to take an A1.1 French course. By that point, I already knew most of the content they were teaching because it was so basic – a complete waste of money. Over a year later, I am still mad about it.

Luckily, there are a lot of online options that are cheaper. The downside of these is that they don’t give you a student card, which means you can’t get a price discount on the Navigo.

As for me, I ended up using Duolingo (here is my unsponsored post about why I love Duolingo).

How many previous au pairs have you had?

If the host family has had previous au pairs, as if you can talk to them. If they say no, then that’s a red flag. It doesn’t necessarily disqualify them, I would say. But I would be wary.

It’s really helpful to talk to the previous au pair to ask them questions your can’t really ask the host family – like how the kids actually behave.

If the family hasn’t had any au pairs before, it’s fine, but I wouldn’t choose them for your first family. If you are changing families, sure, because then you already have experience and can guide them.

It’s a bit like two virgins having sex for the first time. . . it’s just not going to be as good as if someone already has experience.

What is the start date and the duration of the contract?

Timing is crucial to ensure your plans align. If you’ve found a perfect family, but they only need someone for a month while you’re hoping to stay for a full year, it’s probably not going to work out. It might seem obvious, but it’s essential to clarify upfront. Some families are flexible about start and end dates, while others have strict deadlines, like needing someone to start immediately because of work commitments and school schedules. If you’re aiming to stay the full year as an au pair, make sure the family agrees to sign a contract reflecting that.

One of my friends, for instance, only had a 7-month contract because that’s all the family needed. Since you can only renew an au pair visa once for a maximum of one year, she ended up losing those remaining five months. So, if you want the full experience, ensure the dates in the contract match your plans.

What is the expected workweek—25 hours or 30 hours?

It’s essential to clarify the work schedule beforehand so you can plan your free time activities around it. If you’re an American, you should only be expected to work 25 hours a week.

Some families can be really vague about the hours. They’ll say things like, “Oh, we don’t count hours. We don’t want to be nitpicky about everything.” If a family says this, what they really mean is, “We will 100% overwork you and expect you not to complain about it.”

Just a heads up.

Is it acceptable for my family to visit?

And, along the same lines, can I have friends or a boyfriend come over? This depends entirely on the family’s comfort level, and their preferences vary widely. I knew that I might want my family to visit me from the U.S. for a few days, and it would be amazing if they could stay with me for free. So I asked each host family this question.

In general, if you have your own apartment, host families don’t care who you have over, as long as they don’t hear about it. But it’s always better to be safe and clarify this upfront.

Can I take time off to go on my own vacations?

Despite what some families may tell you, yes! Au pairs are entitled to time off. However, contracts often don’t clarify how much time or when it can be taken. Many au pairs end up taking time off only when the family goes on vacation. At a minimum, you should get two weeks off. In France, the typical vacation time is five weeks, which would be fantastic, though I never got that lucky.

My first host family was flexible, and I knew I could ask for a day off anytime and they’d work around it. My second host family forced unpaid vacation on me, and I couldn’t even think of asking for a day off. I often worked while sick because I was scared of retaliation if I didn’t. I was weak, okay? I know better now – don’t be like me! Make sure your family agrees to give you paid time off!

Are you willing to help with obtaining the visa?

Some families simply refuse to handle this paperwork, which is understandable, since it’s a lot of work. They often hire au pairs who are already in Europe. But that doesn’t help those of us who need an official contract, attestation d’hébergement, and other documents for visa applications.

The families that do help with this are typically the ones who want a close relationship and are genuinely interested in the cultural exchange, not just the childcare. Keep that in mind, and make sure they’re responsive and willing to help. Don’t assume they’ll do everything without prompting. You’re responsible for ensuring the paperwork is complete, which is really frustrating when you have no idea how to do it and the information online is limited. Mais c’est la vie!

How much is the pocket money and how often is it paid?

The minimum is 320€, so if it’s your first family, don’t expect much more than that. However, if you have experience, absolutely ask for more.

Never accept less.

Some families offer up to 400€ or 450€ a month. Make sure they also provide everything they’re supposed to, like food. It’s surprising how many families think they can pay 450€ and not cover meals for the au pair. This is a strange trend I often see on AuPairWorld profiles.

On the bright side, some families pay well and are fair about it. You always hear stories about “magical” rich families. One girl I met lived in a castle, earned 1000€ a month, and rode horses every week. It sounds crazy, but it does happen!

Also! It’s really common in France to receive your salary once a month, instead of biweekly like we are used to in the US. This was a shock for me. But I only ever got paid by the month in France.

Is there potential for extra pay for babysitting or additional work?

Some families will pay extra for extra hours. I wish I could have found this setup since it lets you earn so much more. It’s generally recommended that they pay around 10€ an hour for extra hours, which is what they would pay a regular babysitter.

Other families will simply ask you to work more without additional pay. For example, I ended up working 35 hours a week without extra pay. I feel like a broken record, but the whole reason I am writing these posts is in the hopes that you won’t be like me. I made all of these mistakes so that you don’t have to.

What qualities do you look for in an ideal au pair?

I always like to end by asking what they’re looking for in an au pair. This gives me a chance to ensure they don’t have unrealistic expectations. Some families expect you to educate and raise their children, and that usually ends in disappointment. Most, however, just want someone friendly who will talk to their kids in English.

Of course, there are other questions you should ask, like what the kids are like, what the family’s religious practices are, and what they enjoy doing in their free time.

But these are all the questions I made sure to write down for myself because they mattered to me.

Let me know what questions I might be missing and what you prioritize when choosing host families! If you have any concerns about finding the right family, I’d love to hear about them.

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